In The Batcave, Batman tells Spider-Man the story of a guy shooting his gun directly into his balls, but he had a pore titanium crouch plate, so the bullet bounced off and hit him in his balls. Alfred comes in and tells them that Superman has arrived for a visit, but Batman refuses to let him in. Superman lands in front of them and says hello. Spider-Man asks why Superman is here and Superman says that he lost his job from The Daily Planet. Batman then says,"Ah do you mean that paper I wipe my ass with? I can't believe that rag is still being printed." Superman tells them that because of the Internet, The Daily Planet had to shut down. Spider-Man then says that it will never happen to The Daily Bugle. But J. Jonah Jamesson, phones SpiderMan and says that he if fired because of the Internet. Since they cant afford their homes, Superman then asks Batman if they can live with him but Batman says he's got his hands full with Robin. Robin then comes in and asks Batman if he can show Superman and Spider-Man his Paper Doll collection but Superman heat visions Robin and burns his face. Batman then turns and says,"Looks like I'm staring at my new roommates." Spiderman then says,"Yay!"
Joker pulls a prank on the pizza guy, but Harley comes in and tells him that they have visitors. Joker shouts at her by saying her voice sounds like a dying cow and to go make him a sandwich. Harley says that she hates him and runs off crying. Two men come in and Joker mistakes them for the IRS. They introduce themselves as Lex Luthor and Norman Osbourne/Green Goblin. Before deciding to team up, Joker asks if they can sign Harley in for some plastic surgery.
In The Batcave, Batman tells Spider-Man that there are ear muffs for when Mary Jane comes to visit. And Superman, his bed is ultra reEnforced for when he brings over Lois Lane. Superman tells them that he hears of the villains in town and they decide to fight crime. But Spider-Man says they should stop to get something to eat, and they decide to go to the Local Diner. Spider-Man swings off and Superman flys away. Batman then walks away and mutters,"I wish I had some f---ing super powers."
At the restaurant, Superman enjoys the food and flys off to the toilet, accidentally wrecking the ceiling. Batman asks Spider-Man to do the bill but he walks off saying he'll see him in the car. Superman causes the toilets to be broken and Batman is forced to do the bill.
At Joker's lair, Harley refuses to get plastic surgery. Joker then says that Harley should get rid off her peanus. Green Goblin and Luthor intervene and asks if Joker's ready to take down the heroes. But Batman busts in and takes down Luthor. Batman says he has the most powerful superheroes by his side but no one shows up.
It turns out that Superman and Spider-Man were watching Twilight. After coming out, a bloodied Batman with a wrecked suit curses them, swearing violently. Batman asks where the hell they were and they answer that they went shopping instead. Superman says that he also pawned Batman's Batmobile for money, leaving with a shocked Batman.
In The Batcave, Batman looks up on how to kill a superhero for dummies. Spider-Man and Superman come in and tell Batman a surprise. They donated a million dollars to charity in his name. This angers Batman and he leaves. Spider-Man asks if they owe The Batcave and Batman angrily answers yes. Superman asks if they get Alfred but Batman responds,"F--k you!"
Superman and Spider-Man throw a party and invite many guests, including Batgirl and R2-D2. A man comes in and tells Spider-Man and Superman that their debit card backfired. Since The Jonah's Brothers can't perform, everyone leaves. The two blame Batman for this and leave to kill him.
Later, Luthor in his armoured suit and and armoured Green Goblin accept Batman on their team. Batman says that he is still a good person but needs help killing Superman and Spider-Man. Joker reminds Batman that he murdered 10 guards at the Kryptonite museum. Batman then plans to protect the heroes city's and become the best hero in the world. Superman and Spider-Man burst in and the fight begins. Joker attempts to grab the Kryptonite but Superman pushes him into a wall and bumps Joker's head into the wall. Luthor fires a machine gun at Superman but he deflects it onto Green Goblin, ripping off his arm. Batman and Spider-Man fight in the streets. Batman and Spider-Man stare at each other and Batman leaps over Spider-Man and rips his spine out. Luthor fires a sniper at Superman while Green Goblin lays in a puddle of blood. Luthor grabs a chainsaw to kill Superman but instead misses and cuts Joker's arm. Green Goblin gets a gun but accidentally kills Luthor. Superman crushes Green Goblin and confronts Joker. Joker fires a gun but it turns out it was a joke gun. Superman then flies in the air with Joker and throws him into the blades of a plane.
When coming back in, Batman hits Superman with Kryptonite but a werewolf bullet won't kill him. Batman then uses a Kryptonite bullet to kill Superman. Robin comes in with a burnt face and says that the doctor fixed his face. But Batman mistakes Robin for a zombie and shoots him over and over again.
Harley Quinn returns with big boobs from plastic surgery and wonders where Joker is.